Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Long and Boring Post, reader’s discretion advised.

#Nickelback plays in the background#

I am so ecstatic I can’t believe myself. I just got back from the shower, an expected fallout of hours on the Tennis court, courtesy of my Uncle; adopted Uncle, who drilled me in a 4 set game, the result of which I am not really willing to share right now.
Take it or leave it, I still can’t believe I just got back from the sports pavilion less than 30 minutes ago and am still as strong as  a horse – seriously, literally strong enough to run the Third Mainland from end to end.

However, as the idea may have started to take shape in your mind, I am sorry to disappoint you; this post is not about the ecstasy attached to being this strong after all I have been through today, it’s actually about the mystery attached to the whole affair – which I swear on oath is even a more interesting topic.
Ofcourse, get rid of that quizzical glare creeping onto your face. I really had been through a lot today, and you see, if anyone had told me I was going to end the day on a high, God knows I would have gladly given the dude a psychiatrist’s contact – a little tick check maybe.

It started on a bad note. There is no masking it; it was bad, really bad. You know that kind of bad where you think all the forces of nature are beefing you all at the same time? Yep! That kinda bad.

Think Again
I did not know where the vibe was coming from. But just somewhere deep inside, I knew the day wasn’t going to be a good one. I am not a psychic, don’t even nurse that thought. And my name is Gbenga, if anyone knows me at all, s/he will know I am not the bloke who walks around with random chains of premonitions forming a halo around my head. But you see, even I felt surprised at myself. There were no signs; just this persistent snowballing hunch that keeps whispering into my hear, “bad day ahead”.

I braced up for it, and lo, the first jab came; the studio-broadcasting schedule had been reorganized. Alright, you may think, what’s the big deal in that? Well my dear, it is a deal, not just a big one, it’s colossal.  

So there I was, gazing at the schedule, thinking, boiling, seething and finally, I couldn’t help but vocalize it, “holy crap”, I said without giving a thought to it. My mind was racing, how am I supposed to compensate myself for the early reveille I had to grumble through this morning? Who changes a schedule without telling the parties involved anyways? I really was boiling now, I could feel vapour effervesce through my hair follicles.

But well, when life gives you lemons they say, make a lemonade of it. So, guess what I did? I bent over, picked my lemonades off the tiles, got the juicer, and sooner than I had thought, I was sucking away at my cup of lemonade soon enough, even though I had to play the wingman on the Show that was supposed to be mine, I still didn’t lose my cool – round of applause for me. Yaay!!

So, what happened next? A whole lot of things. But I will go on ahead – spare you the Rango story, and tell you the kahuna tale; the one that convinced me that, truly truly, I had bargained for a bad day, and I was getting it with all the aftersales service. What happened? The talk about “crushes”.

Not the kinda crush that involves a pestle and unlucky pieces of Yam in Mrs. Aweda’s mortar. It’s the one where a boy and a girl are the main players. You can shut your mouth now. The truth; every guy in the world had had a crush, currently has a crush, or will soon have one. So let’s face it, it’s a talk about a crush; a mistake maybe, I just hope I make it more often.

I am going to tell you a little bit about this crush. Because believe it or not, the event with her toppled my day – I told you it was the mother of them all. So, take a good listen (read maybe), this promises to be long and boring.

This crush was the most persistent one I have felt in all my life, it lasted about two years – it’s sick right? I think so too. The girl we are talking about is smart, according to my estimation. She was the only crush that made me bit my tongue at any attempt to make a joke around her. Why? ‘cos she doesn’t get them – I think that’s dumb, but what could I have done? This crush was the only one I could not make any sense of because it was fetish in outlook to me. Why? That will be a story for another day.

This crush….is the only crush I can’t find the words to describe because the words don’t come. *static recall*, am sorry to disappoint, but that will be all you will know about that crush for now. But overall, there is this detail I will like you to know about her. Our friendship status – which ranges from a passive “non greeting and talking” to a superficial “hugging” everytime determines the outcome of my day. So, depending on where we fall on the scale for a very long had been the measure of my mood and the general productivity of my day. (You are gonna have to pardon the past/present tense mix-up, am not sure just yet, if am over the crush).

I know it’s pretty complex and hard to connect with. But usually, because crush is not something you can just toggle on and off like a power switch, I try to always be on her good side, ‘cos to be on the bad side, is to bargain for a really bad day. Moreover, since choosing sides is something I can easily control – relatively, compared to the mode of the crush, I usually choose to work on what side I find myself.

So, since you’ve taken out your time to guess. I actually did found myself (which in all honesty isn’t my fault) on her bad side today. And it all went plummeting from there on. I snapped at everyone around, like I’ll do anytime this happens, believe me, I don’t have any idea why this happens all the time, but it does every single time. I’m thinking she knows she has that effect everytime. But ofcourse, by writing this, I just cleared all the doubts.

Enough of my sappy crush tales. After all that, my day went from bad worse, even as I was invited to host a programme I was not given an official letter of invitation. What were they thinking? Like seriously, I was going to walk in there and look like a fool to potential crushes? Am sorry. No.  

Now, what’s the morale of the story. In all sincerity, I dunno anymore. It’s 23:31, and my eyes are flickering shut. I am just going read this over, and press, “upload” – errors or not.

But just so you know, tomorrow is going to be a really good day, ‘cos though today threatened to be bad one, it turned out better than a date with Bukola Elemide. All thanks to ‘Beth, Pia, Stephie, Aretha (who were soft cushion ladies) and Kay who kept me on the court till 9.00pm. You guys shamed my crush. I had a blast of a day, hope to partner with you guys more often. 25 gbosas to you guys jare.

P.S Please ignore all my bloopers, I really was half-asleep and torpid while posting this. Moreover, about that crush…#am walking away, Graig David#, let’s just say, am done with crappy deals. *winks*