Thursday, September 15, 2011


I don’t know if there is any proverb that says, “A man that had his head chopped because he stole a Chicken will not give a second thought before stealing a Cow”. Well, like I said earlier, am not sure if any proverb like that exists, so provided it does not exist (which am 240% sure of), please add it to your list of proverbs and make sure to put my nifty name at the end as the by line, and don’t forget to add Lord while you at it. Infact, check out the format below because some folks like me might just be too dumb to follow simple description, hence, just copy and paste the following:
  A man that had his head chopped because he stole a Chicken will not give a second thought before stealing a Cow if given another chance of life”                        – Lord Pipis Onalaja.
Copy that? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Atta boy, now you got a new rule to live by. But let’s wait a moment and depress the rewind button. What does the proverb means? Considering the fact some people reading this post might be as dim-witted as I am (deem it a complement), I will quickly put up clarification, and as for all you smart pants,  please bear with us, it will only take a sec.

 “So what’s with the proverb?” Your dumb mind keep asking, well let’s imagine, what is the worse fate that could befall a man? Provided a man survived and is able to live even with his head having been chopped into oblivion (like the stubborn cockroach), what else does he have to lose. The head according to Lord Gbenga here only signifies something most important to an individual, something sacred and something more like an halo *adjusts halo. No one will want to lose that. Now, in the event that someone loses that very important thing for a trivial matter, won’t he be willing to bargain on a more sizeable affair knowing he does not have much to lose since he had lost it all? Well then, there you have it. If I can lose my head for stealing a Chicken, what stops from stealing a Cow or even a whole herd if I had another shot at life?
It may all seem incoherent still, but have you considered this proverb in the light of the news that is effervescing from the political arena? Oh!! You can’t? …Or you’ve not heard? …. No? *smh, “O Blind Bartimaeus, for how many times shall I give you your sight?”, well, if you’ve not heard, you can read the news here

Welcome Back:
So now you’ve read; Bankole, the young man whose money laundering dexterity belie his polished Obamaic accent, is trying as hard as he could to get back into the House (he’s uncomfortable with his father’s house). And in my opinion, this news couldn’t have strolled into the dailies at a more crucial time than this when I (dunno about y’all) is just starting to wonder where on earth the fine man is, Yes, you heard me, he’s a fine man, almost made my dad turned gay (pun intended), and also when everyone is starting to see the EFCC as the joke that it really is (no little thanks to Wikileaks), infact, if anyone will care to ask me, I’ll say EFCC is a farce, and their allies; outright Friday Open Mike Night or better still, night of a thousand laughs *chortles.

According to the report, Bankole is not leaving anything to chance this time and more than anything else, he has the backing of major political gladiators in Ogun, and speaking of political gladiators in Ogun, you know Baba Iyabo dons the Number 9 jersey (Number one striker). While we transfer all that to our molar and premolar to work on (just flaunting my Integrated Science class attendance), why don’t we ask ourselves how he intends to get into the house this time? Are you as blank as I am? Well, I won’t blame anyone, and I won’t play the kettle that calls a pot albino, we are all in darkness together since my degree of dumbness is mutually proportionate to yours (don’t take offence, just trying to be funny).  But while we still grope in darkness as to how Rambo plans his return into the hallowed chambers, let’s also not forget to nurse our knowledge of the fact that Nigeria is the country after God’s own heart, and you know what happens when Big G is involved? *silence, so you don’t? Ok, it only means all things are possible’; so keep nursing that while we await the Return of Banky Rambo.

However, as much we might want to lose ourselves in awe in the light of this sickening revelation, it might well do us a great deal of good to also ponder on what rock the trial of young Bankole and his sidekick – Nafada by EFCC has thumped. Does this mean that all those arresting and media barrage of the trial was a fart in a LAWMA’s truck? Is it all just a powder in the wind? I am still here racking my brain like an English student sitting for ANA 202 exam *fans self*.

I digress too much.

But any which way, I’ll refer us back to our word on marble, if Rambo stole only $10B (or whatever the report is) and EFCC threatened to pull off the moon from the firmaments, which in all its obviousness is not going to happen anytime soon, is it not just another leverage and a Nitro for mass laundering of our national treasury? Is it not a clarion call to come and buy a ticket to watch the folly of the red Eagle? Well, we all know it’s just a farce now, and let’s thank Wikileak for buying the fan that provided the wind for the blowing of the fowl’s behind.
This is just another ranting in my confused life, but a rather topical one, because in times like this I ask myself why I am black, and worse enough, why on earth am a Nigerian. *sobs* *more sobs* …… *wailing*