Thursday, December 8, 2011


What made me hate love this much I still know. When I told her I hate love, I was not lying, when I told her it’s just what I feel, I was not lying either. But the part I said “I don’t know who made me hate love this much” was a blatant lie – at least bland enough; alas, this is no place to talk about it – at least not now.

Walking together down a long flight of stairs with a girl will raise talks like this, but that was not when the discussion started; it had started earlier when she received a text from her girlfriend; “my boyfriend is cheating on me”, the text was screaming out loud, I could feel the earth shake as one of the cords holding the firmament had snapped; one more boy is cheating on one more girl, now the whole world is calling for a foul-play, how pathetic?
What next? I was unfortunate to be walking her when the text came in, and she turned to face me to relay the gory Guyana tale of her friend’s cheating boyfriend. DUH!! In massive uppercase was there right across my face as she ranted on and on about how stupid, crazy and idiotic it all is, “why do guys cheat?”, that was the question that rounded her ranting. Of course, my DUH!! expression was still right there across my face glaring right at her with the a fierce intensity “who cares?” I heard my mouth saying, “love sucks and lovers suck more”, “what do you expect? You think your own boyfriend is totally faithful too?” I was starting to get massively miffed about the whole brouhaha; “your friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her, how’s that suppose to be my business?”; I thought angrily.

But then, I have some many unkind words to present to the dude responsible for all these; not the cheating boyfriend; love, so then I knew I had to stop because that was not the time, nor the place, so I drew a dagger to my gut and kpam, I sent my buccal cavity on a shutting down spree.

I was done with my ranting, and though I have been looking at her all the while; I had seen her smile give way to a gentle pout, then an anguished grin to an utterly disdainful glare and all the in-betweens, but now I could barely describe what I am seeing on her face, but I’ll try; it was a mixture of a “WTF!!” look, spiced with a “this-guy-is-a-brute” kinda look chaperoned by a subtle mild irritation and blank long stare with the wide opening of the mouth.
When is she going to say anything? I thought on the inside, but before I could run through the thought, her voice rang through the deathly silence. In the softest of voice with a pitiable undertone she asked “Gbenga! What’s wrong?” I knew I had said too much in the heat of my irritation, now she thinks I need therapy *laughs.
Well, I didn’t have answer to the question ‘cos nothing was wrong with me, and the therapy her tone of voice suggested was definitely the last I needed. In fact, if anyone needs therapy here, I know it should be the person stuck in the mire of love, and I am too fortunate to share such fate, so who needs therapy? I laugh.

She was perfectly convinced her boyfriend won’t cheat on her for all the toffees in china and even more, “he’s not the kind to cheat”; she had barely finished the statement when my ridiculous mouth let out another one of those nauseating guffaws. “I am sorry” was all I could mutter, but who are we fooling? Or maybe I should be more direct, who is she fooling?

We all know men are polygamous by nature, I don’t have to hide the dirty fact about the male folks because I am one of them; but when a starry eyed teenage girl starts running around with a surreal Nollywood dream of a boyfriend who will never cheat, that’s when I get myself into stitches and laugh my bowels askew.

My next question; “Do you trust your boyfriend?” was answered without missing a bit with an expected “Yes”. 

“What if by any chance he breaks up with you, how will you feel?” I asked.

“He won’t break up with me, and even if he does, I won’t feel bad about it” she retorted

I could not help laughing my bowels out this time, the only thing I could not do was roll on the floor. There it is, “he won’t break up with me?” how pitiable? Like that’s not the most certain end of relationships like this. But you think that’s funny? Wait until she confirmed that she has a stand-in boyfriend in the case of a breakup; the reason why she won’t feel bad in the case of break up (though we all know that’s a lie); but then, so who says the boy is a cheat who insures his life with an understudy girlfriend for rainy days?      
So there you have it; “Love”, a very funny word, and “lovers”; even funnier of a word; love makes a fool of a rational adult; the “-er(s)” is a fixative sequence identifying a rational adult who has lost his mind in the dreary ocean of a phenomenon called love. It’s a dirty game when two adults claiming to be faithful to each other run around with understudying boyfriends and girlfriends. We are all just trying to outsmart each other, so let the games begin.

Well, back to her friend’s issue; she and her boyfriend are back together, and their “love” is waxing again. I laugh. ……. Please, let’s throw a pity party for them. They need it more than vodka on the next break up night. *evil laughter.

Side Note:
There was never meant to be a side note, but just for the fun of it, here is your side note “SIDE NOTE”. Thanks for dropping by, remember, love is a strife of interest just like politics, and to quote my old friend Bierce; it is a temporary insanity curable only by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder (come to your senses). Much love yo’ aplenty, XOXOXO.