Tuesday, December 6, 2011

YOUR XMAS SURVIVAL KIT

The year is almost over and as accounts get depleted at warp speed, most guys just wonder; “will I make it into this new year alive (money wise)”. Well, here is the deal; Gbenga, my honourable alter ego does not have inkling as to how money is to be managed, so you had better stay as far away from his crazy ideas as you can. Here are some simple tips to follow, if you want to have a Merry Xmas and make it to 2012 financially healthy.
This post was actually inspired by my friend; Amaka (by fire by force friend) so much of the credit will have to go her.

Here we go:
1.   Flee from Persons with feminine appearances, except thy Mum.
The deal is, avoiding won’t be enough, sometimes you just have to follow the example of Joseph the dreamer and flee like an African rat will flee not from an hungry cat (cause you have rats as big as cats in Nigeria these days), but from a mad-ass no-nonsense LAWMA agent.
2.  Thou shall not make up with Ex-Babes, avoid their calls, pleas from their Best Friends, Pastors, Imams even lecturers.
When the year starts to close like this with all the Christmas razzmatazz in the atmosphere don’t be surprised when that girl that forming kind and cuddly towards *because I told you she was going to*. The deal is, do not fall for that trick, in which ever toga the temptation approaches you; remember, you have a pocket to save.
3.  Thou shall not smile to Ladies you meet in the Bank area, Buka, walkway, skyway and other Public Places where money changes hands, infact not even in the library.
Well, I think this one pretty much explains itself. If you know you can’t do without going around with a gawky infectious smile all over the place, just watch SAW Series every night before going to sleep, am sure the last shred of gaiety will be torn out of you after a night of haunting dark memories.   
4.  Thou shall keep a straight face when in the school buses, tricycles or any of the SUG sardine buses. Not to laugh at jokes especially if told by a femail homosapien.
Mortals!! They’ll come with different formats just to get into the ish; remember, all you need do is keep a straight blank stare. Kabish!!
5.  If you can’t pick a fight with your girlfriend; get her to pick a fight with you. Ways abound in achieving this. If you’ve never done this before, here is a simple trick *works like magic*; try the 'first to complain method'. Complain about every single thing you can think of, Boko-Haram, Harmattan, hunger, boring lectures, assignments, economy, subsidy removal, infact complain about her not complaining. Something must get her upset to start an early Xmas quarrel, so you had better to get to it.
So, five easy steps and you are smiling into the New Year with a healthy account. Do not fear that you will lose your girlfriend, she will find her way back to you; just make sure it’s not before New Year. *you’ll thank me later for this one.
Merry Xmas in advance people and have a happy new year….


Side Note:
Side note on this one? You’ve got to be kidding me.